I wrote the following story in 2006 for my participation in a Humorous speech contest for Toastmasters....I'd forgotten about it until this morning when I was looking for something in my computer and accidentally rediscovered it. It made a funny speech and I had so much fun writing it I did a little editing and decided to share it along with some photos I found of a Chocolate Model Show in NYC in 2008 at this website:
Some of these models embody the possible shapes and costumes of Chocolate Woman! The costumes had to have chocolate on them. There is Bat Girl, Wonder Woman, Zena-Princess Warrior, and a Space Cadet? LOL.
Now to the story:
The Adventures of Chocolate Woman
– written by Maria Wilson
August 30, 2006
Do you know someone who needs help due to chocolate?
Yes, chocolate! This is a very serious matter…which you must all take into consideration…....chocolate can be quite dangerous…so dangerous in fact that it calls for extreme measures of protection…
This realization has probably come to many of you… When on a dark and stormy night that extremely strong urge for a chocolate cookie strikes! What if there isn’t any in the house it could keep you up for hours stressing about it! What can you do? You know what you are like when you stay up all hours of the night! You ponder….run to the store for a chocolate cookie …..or……reach in the frig for that bland carrot stick….chocolate cookie at the store or bland carrot stick in the frig…….that’s when you need:
Chocolate Woman!
Faster than the speed of two chocolate kisses melting in your pocket on an Arizona summer day…..chocolate woman comes to the rescue! Immediately appearing on the scene, somehow bypassing your various house alarms and barking dogs with a bag of home-made hersey’s brand chocolate chip – melt-in-your-mouth…COOKIES!!!!!!!!
Phew, that was close. You relax and then in the wink of a black cat’s eye…Chocolate woman is gone! You eat your cookie and go to bed and right to sleep….almost… after the caffeine wears off that is…still much sooner than if you had eaten that carrot!!!!!! You find yourself wondering , who was that woman and how did she get into my house!!!!!!!
Yes, Chocolate, ladies and gentleman, can be dangerous even to children and can make thieves of even the most well-meaning of friends. Has this happened to your child or someone’s child you know? Let’s call her Mary, not her real name. For Mary coming to school with a great peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chips, a can of apple juice and a big dark chocolate candy bar can be quite traumatic. Why in the time it takes to look up at the ceiling reacting to her friend Billy’s (not his real name) innocent question of ‘what’s that’and ‘made you look, dirty crook’ (ha,ha) a dastardly deed has been done, unbeknown to her at first.. Not until Mary has finished her sandwich and chips a few minutes after her friend left with a ‘gotta go’ does she discover the missing chocolate bar and starts crying…that’s when she needs:
Chocolate Woman!
With speed faster than any lightening flash could muster Chocolate Woman is on the scene. What’s wrong Mary? ‘Billy took my chocolate bar’, Mary says. Out of the corner her extremely sharp eyes, Chocolate Woman can see Billy walking to his bicycle. With graceful catlike movements chocolate woman races towards Billy silently, pulling out a small flat wooden rectangle from her pocket as she nears her target. The Chocolate bar is sticking quite noticeably out of Billy’s back pocket…with stealthy and practiced ease Chocolate Woman walks by Billy removing the chocolate bar and replacing it with the smooth and nonedible wood so deftly it was a sight of beauty to behold. As Chocolate Woman strolls back to Mary with her Chocolate Bar, Billy gets on his bike and reaches for his treasure from his back pocket….only to find to his surprise a piece of wood ….’huh?’ how did that get there? Crime does not pay, thinks Billy….thankfully, he never tries to steal again! At the same time Mary is handed her chocolate bar and shyly looks up to thank Chocolate Woman…but she is gone! Mary is happy..life is good…but who was that woman!!!!!!!
One last scenario to demonstrate the need: You’ve been asked to bring something chocolate to your company picnic. You’ve settled on that decadent chocolate cake recipe handed down through generations in your family and secretly guarded for all time (having special milk chocolate chips in the batter). You stay up late the night before….to bake this luscious treat, wait for it to cool and then you frost it with the most fudgy dark chocolate frosting that one could ever imagine. You go to bed comfortable in the knowledge that this item will be the hit of the picnic. In the morning you pack it up and head off to the event….chocolate cake in your car. As you are driving you dream of the approving smiles from all as they take that first bite of your cake…..then, the unthinkable happens…a rabbit hops into the road…you step on the brakes just in time to miss this little fellow and also just in time to hear a soft smooshing sound….what was that? NO! The cake…yes, the cake it in is several pieces on the floor boards of the back seat…..You are devastated , your heart is pounding too fast, you might be having a heart attack…..that’s when you need:
(Can you guess?) --------Chocolate Woman!
In the time it takes a humming bird to flap it’s wing one time Chocolate Woman is there….hold on she says…calm down..it will be ok…somehow you manage to catch your breath and look at this woman. In her hands she is holding a chocolate cake….she tells you it has Milk chocolate chips inside and the frosting is of the most fudgiest kind. You cannot believe it….not only that, incredible as it may seem there is not one crumb in the car, floorboards or anything…it has been cleaned up. You glance back at the woman but she has disappeared. Gone, with the wind……frankly, everyone, you know we all give a darn…..it’s chocolate!
Yes, this is a very serious matter. Adults and children at risk because of chocolate……stress, life as a thief, and even heartattacks can be avoided.
When all seems lost and chocolate is nowhere to be found…who has the power? Who do you call?
Repeat after me! Chocolate Woman!
Do you know someone who needs help due to chocolate?
Yes, chocolate! This is a very serious matter…which you must all take into consideration…....chocolate can be quite dangerous…so dangerous in fact that it calls for extreme measures of protection…
This realization has probably come to many of you… When on a dark and stormy night that extremely strong urge for a chocolate cookie strikes! What if there isn’t any in the house it could keep you up for hours stressing about it! What can you do? You know what you are like when you stay up all hours of the night! You ponder….run to the store for a chocolate cookie …..or……reach in the frig for that bland carrot stick….chocolate cookie at the store or bland carrot stick in the frig…….that’s when you need:
Chocolate Woman!
Faster than the speed of two chocolate kisses melting in your pocket on an Arizona summer day…..chocolate woman comes to the rescue! Immediately appearing on the scene, somehow bypassing your various house alarms and barking dogs with a bag of home-made hersey’s brand chocolate chip – melt-in-your-mouth…COOKIES!!!!!!!!
Phew, that was close. You relax and then in the wink of a black cat’s eye…Chocolate woman is gone! You eat your cookie and go to bed and right to sleep….almost… after the caffeine wears off that is…still much sooner than if you had eaten that carrot!!!!!! You find yourself wondering , who was that woman and how did she get into my house!!!!!!!
Yes, Chocolate, ladies and gentleman, can be dangerous even to children and can make thieves of even the most well-meaning of friends. Has this happened to your child or someone’s child you know? Let’s call her Mary, not her real name. For Mary coming to school with a great peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chips, a can of apple juice and a big dark chocolate candy bar can be quite traumatic. Why in the time it takes to look up at the ceiling reacting to her friend Billy’s (not his real name) innocent question of ‘what’s that’and ‘made you look, dirty crook’ (ha,ha) a dastardly deed has been done, unbeknown to her at first.. Not until Mary has finished her sandwich and chips a few minutes after her friend left with a ‘gotta go’ does she discover the missing chocolate bar and starts crying…that’s when she needs:
Chocolate Woman!
With speed faster than any lightening flash could muster Chocolate Woman is on the scene. What’s wrong Mary? ‘Billy took my chocolate bar’, Mary says. Out of the corner her extremely sharp eyes, Chocolate Woman can see Billy walking to his bicycle. With graceful catlike movements chocolate woman races towards Billy silently, pulling out a small flat wooden rectangle from her pocket as she nears her target. The Chocolate bar is sticking quite noticeably out of Billy’s back pocket…with stealthy and practiced ease Chocolate Woman walks by Billy removing the chocolate bar and replacing it with the smooth and nonedible wood so deftly it was a sight of beauty to behold. As Chocolate Woman strolls back to Mary with her Chocolate Bar, Billy gets on his bike and reaches for his treasure from his back pocket….only to find to his surprise a piece of wood ….’huh?’ how did that get there? Crime does not pay, thinks Billy….thankfully, he never tries to steal again! At the same time Mary is handed her chocolate bar and shyly looks up to thank Chocolate Woman…but she is gone! Mary is happy..life is good…but who was that woman!!!!!!!
One last scenario to demonstrate the need: You’ve been asked to bring something chocolate to your company picnic. You’ve settled on that decadent chocolate cake recipe handed down through generations in your family and secretly guarded for all time (having special milk chocolate chips in the batter). You stay up late the night before….to bake this luscious treat, wait for it to cool and then you frost it with the most fudgy dark chocolate frosting that one could ever imagine. You go to bed comfortable in the knowledge that this item will be the hit of the picnic. In the morning you pack it up and head off to the event….chocolate cake in your car. As you are driving you dream of the approving smiles from all as they take that first bite of your cake…..then, the unthinkable happens…a rabbit hops into the road…you step on the brakes just in time to miss this little fellow and also just in time to hear a soft smooshing sound….what was that? NO! The cake…yes, the cake it in is several pieces on the floor boards of the back seat…..You are devastated , your heart is pounding too fast, you might be having a heart attack…..that’s when you need:
(Can you guess?) --------Chocolate Woman!
In the time it takes a humming bird to flap it’s wing one time Chocolate Woman is there….hold on she says…calm down..it will be ok…somehow you manage to catch your breath and look at this woman. In her hands she is holding a chocolate cake….she tells you it has Milk chocolate chips inside and the frosting is of the most fudgiest kind. You cannot believe it….not only that, incredible as it may seem there is not one crumb in the car, floorboards or anything…it has been cleaned up. You glance back at the woman but she has disappeared. Gone, with the wind……frankly, everyone, you know we all give a darn…..it’s chocolate!
Yes, this is a very serious matter. Adults and children at risk because of chocolate……stress, life as a thief, and even heartattacks can be avoided.
When all seems lost and chocolate is nowhere to be found…who has the power? Who do you call?
Repeat after me! Chocolate Woman!
And that, my friends concludes today's story about the adventures of Chocolate Woman!
